Happy Birthday, LULU!

Emma,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! You are two years old today but you can keep telling everyone you're six.. You're so cute and funny, no one will correct you.
You are a big girl but you are not big enough to read what I am writing now.. Someday, very soon, you will be and then you can read this and the many other letters I've written to you. You will probably think I am silly to say the things I say to you over and over again but someday, you'll have a child and then you will realize what true love really is...

I just want you to know and NEVER FORGET or QUESTION how much Daddy and I love you, to the end of time and back. There is nothing you can ever do or say to change that. You are the light of our lives, the center of our world and I don't think you'll ever understand how beautiful you are to us, inside and out.

You are the funniest person I've ever known and you don't even realize it.. If you knew some of the stuff you have done (particularly to Dad) you would laugh up a storm! You show wisdom and compassion well beyond your years. You never want anyone to be sad so you're constantly saying sorry for things you didn't do and telling me we have to help someone. The other day at the doctor, you had just had your third shot for the week and you were crying so hard but the minute you heard a baby cry in the next room you stopped to listen and said, "Mom! He crying! Help!" And you ran to the door and flung it open. Emma to the rescue!

You have the most incredible heart in the world! Not only did your physical heart overcome what could have been a life threatening problem, you are BY FAR the strongest person I know. You have faced so many things in your two years of life and even though you cry sometimes, you always put on a brave face in every situation.

You smile and dance and sing your way through life. Not many people have that kind of will inside of them. You and Cabria have what I call the "Frolicking in the Wind" Syndrome. You two could hold hands and skip your way right through a hurricane! I think Cabria is the reason you are so happy all the time, you get that from her...

Trace... Trace is the reason you're brave. No one could have done all the things he has done in his short life and still come through it with that huge smile and contagious laugh unless they were brave. He is a hero.

Uncle Michael is the reason you're tough.. He is TOUGH. And he won't let you be weak. But he will also look out for you in the moments when you can't look out for yourself.

Auntie Mandy... She is the reason you have that sweet spirit.. There have only ever been two people in my life that have been my inspiration to be a better person because they are AMAZING people deep down to their core. You don't find many people in this world that are really like that. Auntie Mandy is one of them. Hold on tight to her and enjoy every minute you have with her because I promise, you will miss her when she's not around.

Uncle Joey is the reason you love music! He insisted we listen to music loud while you were in my belly, even when I didn't feel like it. He wanted you to have that passion and you've got it, hands down! You put on performances all the time and bow and say, "Thank you! Thank you!" like you're already a superstar. Hahaha. Sometimes you make Uncle Joe bow with you.

Uncle Nick... I didn't ever get to meet him but I've heard so many good things. I think that Uncle Nick probably gave you your silliness. Probably your sense of humor too. I wish that he could be here to spend time with you. I know he would love you so much and I know you would love him right back.

Grammy and Papa Bill are the reason you like adventure.. There is no one in the world that loves a good adventure like those two! Grammy is so brave, she'll take anything on in the blink of an eye! Just like how you're not scared to jump off of anything no matter how high it is, or how you'll play in the snow at night and you love every minute of it.. That is that incredible sense of adventure that Grammy and Papa Bill have instilled in you.

Grandma Sherry, whom you call Shewwy, is the reason you are so smart.. She teaches you everything she knows. She spends so much time with you just talking and laughing. She treats you like you are already grown up. You will appreciate it so much when you're older but right now, it's just a ton of fun!

Grandpa Don, Grandma Sally (whom you call Grandma Silly) and Caitlyn are the reason you are so good natured.. All three of them are so even tempered, you can't imagine fighting with them EVER. That's how you are too. You are so sweet, it's hard to get upset with you.

Grandpa Joe and Grandma T are the reason you play so hard. Grandpa is what normal people would call a "workaholic." Luckily he has taught you that playing is your job of the moment. You are employee of the year!

Daddy... Daddy is the reason you are WHO you are. He is the best daddy that has ever been. He says that he loves you more than all the stars in the sky, but I think he loves you more than that. And in case you were wondering where you got that stubborn streak from, Daddy is to blame for that. But sometimes being stubborn is a good thing! It means that you have a backbone and you will stand up for what you believe in. Daddy is what every man should want to be. He is my best friend and he gave me the most wonderful gift anyone has ever had... Y.O.U.

Your life has a cast of characters that make for the most happy endings. But never forget, the middle of the story is always the best part! The day you were born was the best day of my life. No other moment will ever compare to that one but all of the time I get to spend with you is more happiness than one person could ever deserve. I love you so much, bebe!!

It's happening...

My baby girl is going to be two years old tomorrow. I can't believe it!! I would actually say that I've been struggling to come to terms with the fact that my "baby" is not actually a baby anymore.. She's a big girl now, and she tells me all about it.

Some people know about my pregnancy and all the hardships we went through but it's not something I talk about a lot... When I was four months pregnant, we went to find out the gender of the jelly bean that was swimming around in my belly. We found out it was a GIRL, but we also found out that the little shrimp had a heart problem. Her heart rate was 270 beats per minute. It should have been between 120 and 160. SCARY. We went through a lot of tests and medications and even a week long hospital stay that ended with a doctor telling us that Emma's heart was not beating.. It was more like it was quivering. She was starting to have some fluid around her heart which is a sign of heart failure.. They said if she did have heart failure, she would die in the womb... I can't explain the thoughts and feelings that surge through my soul even at this moment, two years later.. It was like losing a piece of myself.. A hole that can never be filled quite the same way ever again.... Who knew that you could love someone so much that you've never seen or met? It's indescribable.

We were transferred to a Fetal Cardiologist at Primary Children's Hospital. He was adament that they would get everything under control... Several tests, two medications for heart failure, and another week long hospital stay later and we were on our way home with a itty-bitty baby with a teeny-tiny heart that was beating regularly, still in my belly of course.

That was the beginning of my brand new life.. It was the moment that I truly realized that you can't take even one moment for granted.. You never get that moment back. When we weren't sure whether or not Emma would be born, I imagined all the things I would say to her if I ever got to meet her... I say those things to her every day. I don't know if it's possible to tell someone you love them too often but I'd bet I come close to the limit. I can't stop admiring her beauty, enjoying her sense of humor, being in awe of the knowledge that little girl already has about life and love. It's one thing to see a child and marvel at how they've grown since the last time you saw them. It's completely different to watch a child grow and develop right before your eyes. It is truly amazing!

Emma is funny.

Emma tells everyone she is six. I don't know what compells her to say that but it makes my whole day!!

I can't believe she is going to be two in a few weeks... SAD FACE.