So this is love....

October 29th, 2008, my life changed forever in one moment.. I don't know that I'd even call it a moment really. How long is a moment?? It's sounds kinda long when you think about it. An instant. A blink of an eye. A nano-second maybe.. All I know is that it was super fast.

9:25 am: I walked into a freezing cold room wearing nothing but a hospital gown and hospital issued slippers. In case you're wondering, they do nothing to protect against the elements. My hands were sweating like a prostitute in church. The nurses told me to breathe deeply and try to relax, meanwhile, a ginormous needle was staring at me right in the eye. I had to lean over a stainless steel tray while they paralyzed me from the chest down. Really, it didn't hurt but the idea absolutely terrified me...

Once I lost the feeling in my legs, they tossed me back onto a table that I'm medium sure had been refrigerated up to that point. They yanked my gown off and proceeded to strap my arms down so that I was lying like a nude crucifix; exposed to any and every person that cared to peek in. These strangers were tossing my naked limbs about like a rag doll and there was nothing I could do about it!

They hung a sheet from a bar above my neck so that I couldn't see what they were about to do.. I was sure I wasn't numb enough for them to start cutting me open so I kept yelling, "Don't do it yet! I'm not ready!"

Apparently, they thought otherwise because they started the procedure. Don't worry, I was numb.. I didn't know they were doing it until Matt came in and asked me if it was hurting. That was when I started freaking out. I was still strapped down and paralyzed so running was out of the question. I just had to lie there and pray for death. Or Valium. Whichever came first.

What seemed like hours later (3-4 minutes), they said they had the baby's bum out. Matt looked up over the sheet and screamed, "SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU!" Everyone laughed except me. I didn't know at the time but he was not trying to be funny. Our butts are identical. No joke.

9:49 am: They pulled the rest of her little body out and the doctors said she was beautiful. They brought her around to show me and that's when it happened; that was the moment. My life changed forever right then and there, while I was naked, numb and drunk with fear.

There, five feet from my strapped down hands was an angel. A perfect little princess that had been living in my belly for the past nine months. I could not have imagined that she would be so amazing! This was the defining moment of my life. So many emotions raced through me at that point, it's not possible to explain. All I know is that heaven could not be better than that.

Through all the insanity I managed to choke out, "That's our baby!" to Matt. Followed by, "Is she cute??" I wasn't sure at that point because she was gooey and screaming. Matt assured me that she was cute and then LEFT ME ALONE to be violated some more. Can you believe that?

So now I have this beautiful baby girl that is so beautiful and wonderful I can't believe it! I look at her in amazement every morning thinking, "I made that. People must be so jealous."
This is what it feels like to be really living.