Ode to the breast pump.

If I had to choose an inanimate object to be my best friend, I'd choose my breast pump. Some of you might be thinking, "What are you saying, your breast pump?! What about your cell phone or your mascara? Anything but a breast pump!"

To you people, I say this: You can have your cell phones, mascara, lap-tops... Whatever you'd like. I would choose the breast pump HANDS DOWN. Hands down.

Now, if you're not breast feeding, it wouldn't make sense to choose a breast pump but if you are, how could you choose anything else?

Yes, your cell phone gives you connection to the world and beyond. It has games and text messaging and music; it's full of good times! But can it double for a purse? I don't think so.. Can you put diapers in it in a pinch? Not so much...

The breast pump does all these things and more. While it may not have games or texts or any of your fancy-schmancy technology, the breast pump is always there for me when I need it. It's everything you could ever want in an inanimate best friend! It's discreet, you can use it on the go, and you always feel relieved after you spend some time with it. What's more, it comes with little additions. The bottles and breast shields double for pretend air-horns. You just point them at co-workers and yell "BEEP BEEP!" and they scare annoying people away. It's amazing!

So you can keep your cell phones and lap-tops and whatnot. I'll just be here kicking it with my breast pump. We'll give you a little honk and wave as you pass us by, schlepping all the stuff that your cell phone can't carry for you.

Peace.