I really don't know clouds at all...

When does it end??

It seems that all I do anymore is work. And when I'm not working, I'm worrying about work. It seems so wrong!!

I have this beautiful little girl at home growing up right before my eyes and the days just fly right past me! Every time I look at her, she's a little bit older; a little bit wiser. She sits up by herself, stands up whenever she can grab onto anything sturdy enough to support her weight.. Tomorrow she'll be running away from me. The day after that, I'll be helping her plan her wedding.

It is so crazy and sad and happy all at the same time! I would give anything to be able to stay home with Emma and watch her grow. It seems that I'm always looking for time to do things. Squeeze this in here and that over there... When can I work out? Can I meet my friends for dinner, since I haven't seen them in months? Can I work at least an hour overtime to meet a deadline?? There is never enough time!

So, maybe my house isn't spotless. And no, it's still not up for sale, even though we've been trying to do that for MONTHS upon months. No, I do not have even close to what would be considered the perfect body, and yes, we do eat fast food.. I don't have time to make my own wedding invitations, floral arrangements, center pieces, or dessert trays. No, I didn't send out many "Thank You" cards for my baby shower; and on any given day, you will find me lacking in either the hair or make up department. I don't have new clothes or shoes and I don't have matching towels in my kitchen or bathroom. And you know what? I DON'T CARE.

I spend each and every spare second I can find looking at my baby and laughing with her. It breaks my heart that I can't spend every waking moment with her watching her develop... She is becoming a little person and I miss out on that for nine hours every day while I work and commute.. It's not fair! I don't have a perfect house. I'm not a perfect house wife. I don't spend my time crying over spilled milk and wondering if all the labels on my canned goods are facing forward. I worry that my daughter is going to speak for the first time while I'm in a meeting. Or if she'll walk for the first time minutes before I arrive to pick her up. I tell my mom, who watches her, "Don't let her do that when I'm not there! I don't care if that's a milestone or not, she has to wait til I'm there!"

It's not really fair that you have to be pregnant for what seems like a lifetime and by the time the epidural wears off, you're walking your baby to school for their first day of Kindergarten..