The Coffee Chronicles..

Mmmmm.... Hot water with a hint of coffee and lots of creamer.. Doesn't that sound delicious?? Yeah, it makes me want to vomit too.

Although I can't go into great detail, let's just say that I'm now in charge, so to speak, of making the coffee these days and somebody is not happy about it. That "somebody" uses approximately one to one and a half scoops of coffee to twelve cups of water. The end result is more like coffee flavored water (Maybe they're onto something with that... Flavored waters are huge right now!). That somebody has obviously never heard of the old addage that says, "The early bird gets to make the coffee." But I have. (evil cackle in the background)

I use about one scoop of coffee for every two cups of water. It's really strong, you know, just how coffee should be. My main reason for making it so strong was to make up for all the months I spent drinking shit colored water. I've been strutting around thinking, Well boys, there's a new sherriff in town! (more evil cackling, louder than last time)

I didn't want to overload the senses of the coffee consumers, however so I couldn't just waltz in and triple the strength of the coffee in one day.... No, no.. I'm much smarter (and slightly nicer) than that. I didn't want an uproar! I pictured a group of over-caffeinated-wide-eyed-rabid-looking-riffraff running wildly in all directions tearing furniture apart with their teeth while trying to wrangle the empty coffee pot out of one another's hands in a futile attempt to devour the one remaining drop of delicious coffee before breaking the pot and slashing each other's faces with the broken glass, then discovering and gorging themselves with every last coffee bean/grind in a five mile radius... NO, I couldn't chance that happening!! So, I slowly added more coffee grinds to the pot every day. No one even noticed! People have been buzzing around, happy as clams and eager to get things done! SUCCESS!!

Or that's how it would've went if it weren't for that certain someone who takes his coffee making duty VERY SERIOUSLY. He took it upon himself to prepare the coffee maker the night before so that I, "Just push the button! It's all ready for ya!" Everyday, I get a reminder. "Did you know that the coffee was ready to go this morning? Just push the button!" Like I wouldn't notice. So, I told him that I really appreciate it and it's so much easier for me, since I just have to push that goddamned button in the morning.

Don't worry though, the story doesn't end there.. I still make the coffee nice and strong. I just add water to the pot after everyone else has partaken of the morning nectar. He's none the wiser and I'm content. WIN, WIN. What else can you ask for?