It's happening...

My baby girl is going to be two years old tomorrow. I can't believe it!! I would actually say that I've been struggling to come to terms with the fact that my "baby" is not actually a baby anymore.. She's a big girl now, and she tells me all about it.

Some people know about my pregnancy and all the hardships we went through but it's not something I talk about a lot... When I was four months pregnant, we went to find out the gender of the jelly bean that was swimming around in my belly. We found out it was a GIRL, but we also found out that the little shrimp had a heart problem. Her heart rate was 270 beats per minute. It should have been between 120 and 160. SCARY. We went through a lot of tests and medications and even a week long hospital stay that ended with a doctor telling us that Emma's heart was not beating.. It was more like it was quivering. She was starting to have some fluid around her heart which is a sign of heart failure.. They said if she did have heart failure, she would die in the womb... I can't explain the thoughts and feelings that surge through my soul even at this moment, two years later.. It was like losing a piece of myself.. A hole that can never be filled quite the same way ever again.... Who knew that you could love someone so much that you've never seen or met? It's indescribable.

We were transferred to a Fetal Cardiologist at Primary Children's Hospital. He was adament that they would get everything under control... Several tests, two medications for heart failure, and another week long hospital stay later and we were on our way home with a itty-bitty baby with a teeny-tiny heart that was beating regularly, still in my belly of course.

That was the beginning of my brand new life.. It was the moment that I truly realized that you can't take even one moment for granted.. You never get that moment back. When we weren't sure whether or not Emma would be born, I imagined all the things I would say to her if I ever got to meet her... I say those things to her every day. I don't know if it's possible to tell someone you love them too often but I'd bet I come close to the limit. I can't stop admiring her beauty, enjoying her sense of humor, being in awe of the knowledge that little girl already has about life and love. It's one thing to see a child and marvel at how they've grown since the last time you saw them. It's completely different to watch a child grow and develop right before your eyes. It is truly amazing!