Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

I feel like I've spent my whole life waiting for the next thing to come along. When I was young, I couldn't wait to grow up, just like every other kid. I hated school but loved learning. I wanted to chase my dreams and never look back or have anyone looking over my shoulder. I couldn't wait to drive, graduate, become an "adult." hahaha.... All that came and went and then I wanted to do the next thing that came into my head, and the next and the next. And so it went...

Then, suddenly, my entire life changed. I met Matt, spun around and around in a whirlwind of emotions, fell in love. I started dreaming of new things. And then we found out we were going to have a baby. And I thought, well, that's it! Dream time is over!

The day we found out we were going to be mommy and daddy to a little girl, we also found out that our little jelly bean had a heart problem. Several times we were told that she may not make it. Even now, thinking of the things the doctors said causes my chest to collapse just a little bit. I can't believe there was a possibility that Emma may have not been in our lives at all.

Everyone knows the end of the sad part of the story.. Emma got through everything. She was a healthy and happy baby who lit up the world! Mine and Matt's world, anyway. And the best part is, I had new dreams to look forward to. All of her firsts which happen faster than you can ever imagine. All of the things she will do and who she will become. She is so beautiful... I find myself just staring at her, wishing I could freeze each individual moment and hold onto it for just a few seconds longer.

I see some mothers who are frustrated with their children, they're tired and they have no patience left for those little grabbing hands and whining voices.. Not saying I haven't been there because I have. I just think that if, just once, somebody came to them and said, "Your child might not make it through today." Their whole outlook would change. They would hang on to those little grabbing hands and never ever let go. They would cherish every laugh and even some of the cries and whines... They would try to hang on every moment with their little ones.

I feel so blessed to have made it through that time. To have been able to hold my little girl day after day and tell her how much she means to me. She has a lot of health problems but luckily, nothing that has tried to take her from me again. I never want to forget what almost losing someone you love so much feels like, as awful as that sounds... I never want to go through the motions with my loved ones. I want them to know how precious they are to me.

In seven weeks, we will be welcoming a baby boy into our little family. I can't wait to meet him and care for him and watch him grow. I just wish that for today, these moments with Emma would last a little longer than normal...

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

This one is way too hard.. There are so many things I want to do before I die and I don't know that I could find a photo that would be able to express how I feel... I know I could say something cool, like I just want to parachute off a mountain or  go backpacking through Europe (yeah, right.. Let's be honest, unless there is a tram, I'm not carrying a backpack more than about two blocks). Of course there are a million and one crazy things I'd like to do before I die but at the end of the day, they're not the most important things in the world.

Before I die, I want to see my daughter graduate from high school AND college.. I want to see her fall in love and get married and become a mother. I want to hear her laugh billions of times, and I want to dry her little tears when she is sad. I want to be able to provide her with the things she needs and teach her to appreciate the things she has...

I want to grow old with my husband.. I want to enjoy the time we have together as a family. I have been so blessed to have found someone as amazing as Matt to share my life with... He is the catalyst for every happy moment I've had in my adult life.. I want to make him happy and I want to be with him through every moment...

You never know when your last moment on earth could be... I want to savor every moment I have with the people I love... I want my family to know how much they mean to me.

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

I cannot imagine living without either of these people!! They are the best part of my life and I love them so much!!!

And now there is another little person on it's way into our world.. November 4th is the big day! It is crazy but that is the exact same day Emma was due. Emma was my miracle baby and I think this one is super special too, considering the circumstances...

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Ray LaMontagne... I don't know what I'd do without your sad sad songs.. Or your happy love songs!! I love this guy!

Music makes me happy...

I love romantical songs. ♥

Haunted Wednesday

My brother told me that I live my life like I'm in a horror movie. I think that is only medium true.. I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder. I've never been stalked by a serial killer (as far as I know). I don't always turn on all the lights in the middle of the night when I have to go to the bathroom, and I would never run upstairs, essentially locking myself into a house if a killer was chasing me.

My brother is right in a sense, however, because I know how to terrify myself... And I do it everyday. When I am brushing my teeth before bed, I'm not sure I didn't see a ghostly figure pass behind me in the mirror. While lying in my bed, I may or may not see a shadow person leaning over the bed looking down at me with scary demon eyes..

This is the crazy world I live in.. I'm sure ghosts are targeting me because of my fear. They know I'm weak, I think... Probably aliens would like to abduct me as well.. I'm pretty sure they read minds so don't get carried away with your anti-alien thoughts. I thought I was getting abducted once. It was terrifying! But that story is for another time.

So, my recent paranormal experience was just a couple of weeks ago. I was getting ready to go to bed so I was turning off all of the lights. The last one was the light over the stove... I have a teapot that sits on the stove at all times. Just as I was switching off the light, I caught a glimpse of a person in the reflection of the teapot. This kind of shit is exactly what I am so damn afraid of! My breath caught in my throat. My heart felt like it moved six inches up my chest and was trying to slowly crawl through my tubes and out of my mouth. I wanted to scream and cry and run, but I couldn't. I could still see the reflection of the phantom in the teapot. And then. It. MOVED. That motherfucker actually moved towards me!! I thought my heart would stop beating and I would just die right then and there. But that didn't happen. What did happen was that I put my hand up to my mouth (nervous habit) and the same thing happened in the reflection. Just the fact that I saw more movement scared the shit out of me until my brain recognized that the scary creature in the reflection was in fact mirroring my movements. YES. It was me in the goddamn teapot. Not a ghost or a demon or even an alien waiting to take me to it's home planet... It was just little old me, terrifying myself AGAIN.

Then I had to go tell my husband what had happened. And he just laughed and called me an idiot, like usual.

The end.

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

I don't even like to look at this picture.

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

Sara... Oh the craziness that ensues when we are together will hopefully never be leaked to the press.


Clearly the top pic needs no explanation. I have way too much fun with Sara!!

Haunted Wednesday

This is a true story.. It happened around mid January.

I was about to get out of bed and get ready for work. Emma came into my room and climbed in my bed with me. We were talking about bunnies and ducks when all of the sudden she got super quiet and just sat there. Staring straight ahead... Right at the closet.

Ok, I made that seem a lot scarier than it really was. I didn't suspect anything until she started talking again.

"Mommy.... Who's that?" Still staring at the closet.

"That's the closet, Lu."

"Mommy, he's scary!!" (Covering her eyes)

Now I'm like, WTH??

"Baby, that is just the closet......"

"MOMMY! He's scary!!" She cuddled up to me at this point and tucked her head into my chest.

Me: .... o_O

Emma looked back up at the closet again. This time she put her little fingers up to her eyes and slowly dragged them down her face. "He's sad, mommy. He's sad."

That was when I really got scared.

She looked back toward the closet again and said, "He's scary, mommy!"

I looked toward the closet and then back at my innocent little two year old. I shouted, "Tell him to get out!"

"GET OUT!!" She yelled.

Then we ran like the dickens.

That's how I handle scary situations with my child/future children. I'm a total wimp.

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

Nightmares...

What is it about planning a new regime that makes your life go awry in seconds?

I know that I can be a little neurotic at times so I'm just going to assume that my crazy brain sets me up for failure when it feels change coming on. For instance, last night I decided that I was going to get up super early today and get my shit together... Lately, I've been falling apart emotionally; I finally decided to try and pick up the pieces.

Anyhoo, the thought of getting up early lit a fire in my mind. The only problem is that the flames got a little out of control once I was in bed. While I was supposed to be falling asleep so that I could rise and shine at an indecent hour the next morning, my brain turned on a whole new world of thoughts for me to process. I started thinking about laundry, painting, spiders, vacuuming the mattress, taxes, selling my condo, buying a new home, taking emma to the park, planting flowers, Easter, Easter candy, cupcakes, a glass of wine, and why the hell am i so thirsty? It's the middle of the goddamn night!! That was pretty much the stream of randomness that went through my head for about two hours straight. I tried to turn my brain off but then it seemed like my heart was beating really loud and then I started thinking about that and that thought lead to other thoughts and then it was an hour later and I was about to freak out...

I finally fell asleep and went straight into a dream. I was in my room and everything was normal but when I opened the bedroom door, I was suddenly in the middle of the woods. I was walking in the dark woods to a place where I was going to meet my boyfriend (it was actually Matt). The place where we were meeting turned out to be my after school job. I didn't want my boss to see me because I hadn't been there in a long time and I didn't want to get fired. We hurried out of the place into a cobblestoned street and I saw a huge Trojan Horse looking thing and instinctively, I knew that terrorists were inside of that horse. We ran into a cabin that was just off the road and when we had closed the door behind us, there was the scariest/hairiest man EVER and he was swinging an axe around the cabin like a fucking lunatic! I almost ran for my life but I came upon the realization that the man was really a robot and if I could get him to open his mouth, I could push one of his teeth and he would power down.

While I was doing that, Matt disappeared. Then a whole bunch of strangers showed up. I was talking to them about God knows what when I noticed they were all missing chunks of their faces. I suddenly knew that there was a bug that would land on your face and take a big chunk off if you didn't kill before it bit you. I was looking around for fluttering winged things when it hit me: the bugs were invisible. And possibly microscopic. I got so scared, I ran out of the cabin (apparently the bugs were confined to that place).

When I got outside, it was a bright sunny afternoon. I walked to the top of a hill and looked up at the beautiful blue sky... Out of nowhere, a huge flock of flies flew over head. They were tightly bunched together.

How did I not know something was wrong?? Even the landscape is frowning..



What happened next was truly frightening....

OMFG!!

In the distance I heard what was surely the death cry of someone who was being eaten by the zombies. I picture them being consumed from the feet up because they were able to scream with their last dying breath, "RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEES!!!!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly what I did. While I was running down the hill in my desperate attempt to escape my fate of violent death by zombie , I tripped over my own feet and.... Woke up.

And that is why I was late for work.

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.

Hmmm.. This is harder than I thought it would be.. I don't know that given the chance, I'd want to change places with anyone. Even for just a day.

I like my life.

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

Day 04 - A picture of your night.

I don't have an actual photograph of my night and you'd be happy I didn't because it would be the most boring picture you ever laid eyes on.

I'll post a picture of my night when I'm actually doing something other than reading "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish," or singing any number of children's songs.

Emma is so funny though, I just have to tell! Whenever Matt is not wearing a shirt, she goes around yelling, "Daddy naked! Daddy naked! Why? Cause!" She says it over and over until he puts a shirt on.

If I absolutely had to post a picture of my night, this would be what it's all about...

Cute little muffin.

Haunted Wednesday

I've had a number of scary experiences, Paranormal Encounters, if you will... Whether or not they are actually spirits or just my mind creating these things really makes no difference to me at all. They have all been terribly frightening, none the less.

There was the time I thought my husband was a ghost, and no matter how many times I think of it and even though I laugh now, it was absolutely horrifying at the time.
Imagine waking up to a shadowy figure floating directly over your head, mere inches from your face. It's very dark in the room and it takes your eyes a few seconds to focus in before you see the outline of death hovering over you. You scream and wrench the covers up to your chin while squeezing your eyes shut... You dare yourself to peek out again only to see the same demon looking back at you, only now, in your mind, he has sharp pointy fangs.. And he's drooling scary ghost saliva. And he has crazy eyes! CRAZY FUCKING EYES!!! And now you realize those crazy eyes are glowing. And they're red! You slam your eyes shut, scream again and yank the blankets up to your nose... You tell yourself, just one more look, to be sure that the terror you've just witnessed is real. You open only one eye this time and you see the monster moving. That is all you can stand.
Your shriek reverberates throughout the house and your first instinct is to throw the blanket over your head. Why?? You may be asking. Obviously, you can't outrun a ghost. They are lightning fast; and if it's a demon, it will possess you and probably kill your whole family. But blankets have magical properties. Every blanket/sheet/bed covering is woven together with fibers from angel wings. They form an incorruptible shield between you and anything even remotely scary. After what seems like hours of hyperventilating under your magic blankie, you come to your senses. "I'm an idiot, there's nothing there... I'm 26 years old! What the hell am I doing under here?"

That's when it happens, the demon speaks... "What the hell are you doing?!" It's then that you realize ghost/demon/shadowy death man is in fact your loving but super irritated husband.
You shamefully poke your head out of the blanket and say in a tiny voice, "Oh... It's you... I thought you were a ghost. .. ... . .." And you make this face: :o|

Then the anger smacks you square in that face. Who in the hell comes and stands over your bed and stares at you in the middle of the goddamn night?! On Christmas Eve, no less? You know he has seen "A Christmas Carol" and that should be enough to prevent unwelcome floating over the bed in the middle of the night. So then you say, "What in the hell are you doing?!" Only when you say it, it really does sound like you've been possessed by a demon because you're so mad your voice takes on a mind of its own.
You don't even wait for an answer. You just roll over and pretend to have gone back to sleep. You never want to speak of this awful experience ever again, only you can never live it down. Not because you threw the blankets over your head instead of running. Not because you saw someone in your house and didn’t immediately dial 911. Not because not once, not twice, but thrice you screamed out in fear. And not because at the end of the hypothetical day, it turned out to be your husband and not the scary monster with crazy eyes and ghost drool you thought you saw…
No, no, you can never live down this particular forty-five seconds of your life because your newborn, not even two month old child was lying on the bed in her Boppy, not but sixteen inches away from you. Maybe half an arm’s length. And you didn’t even try to protect her. No magical shield blankie went flying over her head. You didn’t dive in front of her desperately yelling, “Leave the baby!! You can have my soul instead!” You didn’t even glance in her direction while Satan was traipsing around your bedroom.
To you people who think I am a bad mother, I say this: Did it ever occur to you that baby souls are so pure nothing evil can come within six inches of them? Because I’ve come to the conclusion that instinctively, I knew my baby’s soul was safe. I knew that I was more in danger of being possessed or just stared at by this scary ghost than Emma was. Plus, babies can’t see well at that stage of their lives! She wouldn’t have seen the same thing I’d seen. She didn’t even know what scary was yet!! So, in conclusion, I am not a bad mom. Just an enormously frightened individual whom encountered what I thought was an other worldly phenomenon on the creepiest night of the year.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

This was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make...

First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to Grey's Anatomy. Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy, this doesn't change the way I feel about you... I'll continue to tune in every week to see you, and only you two because the two of you make my heart go pitter-pat.. Mostly McSteamy though. Sorry McDreamy, you're boring now that you got married.

Private Practice, it could have been you in that picture down below, unfortunately, you had to go and have that terrible rape scene this season and now I can't look at Charlotte without crying like a baby. Plus, what did you have to go and kill Dell off for?

Unsolved Mysteries, even though you've been cancelled for years now, I still watch you on DVD as often as life allows. You're forever in my heart. Also, you have no cast... Just that old guy with the scary voice.

Teen Mom 2.. Is it just me or is Jenelle's mom the real star of the show? "You are the worst piece of shit mom ever, Jenelle!" I concur, crazy lady.

American Idol, how I have loved you through the years, you will never know.

Last but certainly not least: Jersey Shore.... Snooki, I wish we were friends in real life! You've been my favorite since about the third or fourth show of the first season. Long live the poof!

And finally....
Here is the cast of my favorite show.

The reason I chose Modern Family besides the fact that it is HILARIOUS is because I love every character on this show! Phil and Claire, Luke, Hailey and Alex, Mitchell and Cam and Lily, Jay and Gloria and Manny... They are all so funny and I couldn't pick a favorite if you asked me to. If it were a matter of life and death I'd choose Cam. But secretly, I'd be debating between Cam and Phil.. Love this show!! And if you're not watching it, you have not lived.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.

Well, the person I've been closest to for my whole life is my baby brother. We were the best of friends until he was about seven, then we started trying to beat each other within an inch of our lives. That went on for about seven years, I would say... Then we just told each other how much we despised one another for the next two years. Then we became friends again. :)

Despite the arguments, name calling, punches in the face, etc., we were always there for each other. No one could come between us. I like to think of Joey as the son I was way too young to have. The very bad son that you'd like to send away to some kind of reform school but you can't afford it and even if you could, you know you'd kinda miss him anyways so you just keep him around. Then you pray. You pray that God will intervene and save his little soul. You pray that he will emulate good role models like Dawson Leary or Boys II Men. You pray that he will stop playing music so loud that you can't concentrate on your physics flash cards and you have a test the next day so you ask God for patience and strength not to go down to his room and wring his scrawny little neck. You pray that he could just me more like you, dammit!

Then one day, you just learn to accept him for who he is and you love him with all your heart. You come to accept the fact that while he'll never be the person you imagined he'd be during his childhood, the person he has become is pretty damn amazing.

This picture was taken while we were still in the best friends era of our lives.

This was the last photograph our parents have of us together, genuinely happy to be there. All the others have fake smiles and before the temporary flash induced blindness wore off, we were actively trying to maim one another.

Moving on...

Here we are, later in years. Friends once again. See how happy we look?? That's because I had already moved out of my mom's house, so we didn't have to see each other everyday.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Also, look at how skinny I was! Man I miss those days.. I still have those pants. I'm like the people who keep the old pants they used to wear and they show people and say, "Can you believe I used to wear these? Now my whole body could fit in one leghole.." Only, you know, the opposite. I get them out when we have company over and say, "I used to wear these. Can you believe that? The waist of these pants is straining just being in my presence!" No one laughs because it's really more heartbreaking than anything else.

And here we are, semi-present day. This photo was taken at my wedding, 9/19/09. We were dancing. Or I was and Joey crashed what surely would have been a stunning photo of my graceful movements.

You can see why those pants from the previous picture get nervous when I take them out of the closet these days.

And that is that! Day two of the Thirty Business Day Challenge? Check. Done. What's for lunch?

This is my attempt at blogging more often..

I saw this on my friend's blog.. If you need a good laugh or want to see some awesome restored furniture, visit her here:

http://adayinthelifeofthesacketts.blogspot.com/

Anyhoooooo, this is the thirty day challenge. Since I don't blog on weekends, because that is Emma's time, mine will be the thirty business day challenge.


Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts:

1. I don't like pictures of myself. This is the most recent photo I have in my computer.
2. My hair is no longer blonde.
3. I have a super handsome husband who is amazing in every way.
4. I have a beautiful daughter! She is so so so funny!
5. I paint. I just decided to one day and now it has become my sanity.
6. History intrigues me. I'm pretty much obsessed.
7. I am terrified of ghosts... I'm sure that they can sense fear and they seek me out because of my weakness.
8. I once mistook my husband for a ghost, not just for a moment but for three full staring him directly the face gazes.
9. The most shameful thing I have ever done was not protecting my two month old baby from the ghost that turned out to be my husband. I was cowering under the blanket...
10. I will watch movies up to the point when something bad/sad is about to happen, I turn them off while everything is still happy. Some might call it denial, I call it, I don't really care what people think.
11. I'm too outspoken for my own good.
12. I judge you based on the first time we meet.. If you're not overly friendly, I assume you're an asshole.
13. I secretly give Emma sips of my coffee in the morning. She loves it.
14. My guilty pleasure is watching Step Brothers. Over and over and over.
15. I should be working right now.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.


Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.


Day 04 - A picture of your night.


Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.


Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.


Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.


Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.


Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.


Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.


Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.


Day 12 - A picture of something you love.


Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.


Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.


Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.


Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.


Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.


Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.


Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.


Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.


Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.


Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.


Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.


Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.


Day 25 - A picture of your day.


Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.


Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.


Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.


Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.


Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

This is what happens when you lose your effing mind on a daily basis.

Don't. Judge. Me.

I don't know what must have happened to me in my lifetime, but at some point, I completely lost my grip on anything that even remotely resembles sanity. I used to be okay; I was at least able to slap myself in the face (mentally, of course) and tell myself to "Get real." I would find myself coping with my crazy thoughts and feelings but I was still able to come back to reality in the end.

Fast forward some number of years, stick me back into my mother's house and slap a sick child into the mix and do you know what that equals? Me: 2011. It's similar to Me: 2010, only now, I'm figuratively standing on the ledge of delirium with my arms out at my sides, my long hair blowing in the breeze and barely hanging on with the tips of my little toes. It's probably not as romantic as that sounds... It's more like, the scraggly wisps of what's left of the hair I haven't pulled out yet are whipping me in the face while I flail my arms savagely through the air in a vain attempt to clench onto anything that will keep me from falling into the abyss. Meanwhile, my poor battered feet are wondering what in the hell they did to deserve this.

I've been so stressed out, my body has been manifesting physical symptoms. Mainly these manifestations have been in the form of hives. Hives.... HIVES! Everywhere! All over my entire body. I didn't sleep for three days because I didn't stop itching long enough for my brain to shut down. What would a normal person do in this situation?? I don't know. I'm more the neurotic type so what did I do? At about 3:00am, I came to the conclusion that we have a horrifying case of the dreaded Bed Bug; never mind the fact that I am the only one they seem to be attacking. The minute the sun comes up the following morning, I tear the sheets off of the bed, throw them into a boiling hot wash, and do a very thorough inspection of the mattress. There are no signs of the little critters so I decide that while I can't see them, they must be there so I proceed to vacuum the mattress. And the box spring. And the pillow top. Then for good measure, I spray it all with Lysol and then again with lavender because Trista said that bed bugs hate lavender. Throw on a pair of clean sheets and life should be back to normal... Only it's not. Two days later, I'm still itching.. What the hell??

The only other alternative in my mind is that I must have lice. Body lice. My body is being invaded by microscopic (in my mind) bugs. They are everywhere! And I don't know what to do!! I called my husband in tears to let him know that I have not only exposed him to this vile vermin, but also our two year old daughter. Just what she needs on top of everything else...

I had already gone through all the possible places of contamination in my head so now I'm tearfully telling Matt where the lice have come from. "It could be from anywhere! Remember I went to that eyelash extension lady? I laid on a table that probably a million other people have laid on before me and that could have been it. Plus, we went to that movie with your dad and you know lice run rampant in movie theaters! That makes sense, it's been about two weeks, just enough time for the eggs to hatch!"

It took a while for Matt to convince me that it was all in my mind and that I just had hives from stress. Stress that a normal person would probably handle just fine. A neurotic person, a la me, has to have a physical and emotional breakdown before returning to some sense of normalcy.

I'm feeling better now... As well as can be expected, you could say. It's just funny how little things can build up inside yourself until one day, the cup runs over and you have a mess to clean up. I should probably go to counseling but even with insurance, the last thing we need is more medical bills. Until then, Benadryl, a glass of wine and a nice hot bath will have to suffice.. Unless I take a cue from Grace of "Will and Grace" and start going to AA meetings for the group therapy...

Emma sings now.. It is so funny and sweet and crazy all at the same time! I will take a video and post it soon. :)

2010: It was what it was...

Picture it: May of 2010.. A cool spring breeze rustles through the newly blooming trees. A group of friends are sitting outside enjoying the warm evening air and partaking of some refreshing adult beverages. Sounds lovely right?? Well, it was. Until that peaceful little group started throwing back the shots. Or maybe it was just me?? I'm not sure, even to this day.

First of all, I guess you would've considered me "on the wagon," at that time. Not that I'm an alcoholic but I just don't drink much at all these days. And while we're on the subject, what the hell kind of a phrase is that anyways; on the wagon? I know it's like, "Oh you know Sam? Yeah he's off the wagon." Like he fell off or something which makes sense because I wouldn't want to ride on a wagon while inibriated but whatev. Why would you get on a wagon in the first place if you were about to get wasted?? And don't you think there should have been a wagon that just drove around picking up the passed out drunks?? That would make more sense, to me anyways. Then it would be the opposite. "He's on the wagon." "Noooo..." "Yep. They found him last night." I just watched this entire scenario take place in my mind. Incidently, the man who was picked up by the drunk wagon had a very large beer belly and was entirely too sweaty for his own good.

Back to the real story. We (or me, still not sure) decided to take some shots.. Sailor Jerry, I believe; but still, not sure. The details are a little foggy... All I remember is asking my brother-in-law if we could borrow a thousand dollars and when he asked if I was serious, I said, "Or you could just do the Billie Jean dance. I brought my Ipod." I really thought that was the most ingenious idea ever.

Fast-forward to the next morning.. I woke up on the couch and there is only one word that can possibly describe my appearance at this point: Disheveled. Mostly, I was a wreck.. I got up to go to the bathroom but when I actually stood up, a horrendous pain shot through my right foot. I looked down and my entire foot was purple and the little baby piggy toe was looking at me sideways. I limped my way to the bedroom and asked my husband what had happened to me.

At that moment I realized that my entire body was hurting.. And it was not like a hangover ache. It was like I entered a midnight body-building competition. When I asked Matt about it, he gave me the stink eye and said, "Don't you remember doing cartwheels last night??" Insert blank stare here. "You were doing cartwheels all over the yard last night and you were really good at them."

Later that day, we went over to my brother and sis-in-laws house. Micheal (BIL) tells me that in my drunken state, I had been spouting off strange facts and random numbers. One of those random numbers was shfourteenteen. He figured it had something to do with my gas milage because I had been talking about that (?!?). Then I tried to convince Matt that McDonalds does indeed sell cigarettes at the drivethru window and we should hurry over there.

Apparently, when we got home and Matt had turned off the car, I laid my seat back and said, "I'm going to bed." He had to carry me inside. Sometime between him putting me on the couch and when I awoke the next morning, I apparently had an adventure all on my own. One that involved breaking a poor innocent little toe...

And so ends another adventure of 2010.

2010: Leaving the past in the past.. Kind of.

Welp, there went 2010.. Pretty much the craziest year of my life, and I have had some insane times, let me tell ya!

Let's do a rewind. Because I think the last day of 2010 was by far the weirdest day of the year.

December 31, 2010: Everything was fine.. OR SO IT SEEMED.. Hahaha.....

I spent most of the day making myself pretty. Why?? Well, New Years Eve seemed like a pretty good excuse to get all cute-ed up. I did my hair nice and big, lots of curls, could pretty much pass for a wig.. You know how I roll. I even did fake lashes (gasp!). I got Emma dressed up in a cute outfit, and Matt was looking super fly. We were ready to paint the town red!

I know what you're thinking... Who takes a two year old out on New Years Eve?? I do! That's who.. Plus, neither of us were going to be drinking or doing anything more wild than perhaps performing a fabulous rendition of "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," on my brand new KARAOKE MACHINE! (woot! woot!!)

We arrived at our dinner destination with 30 of our closest friends.. (Lol, like I have more than ten friends (Pah-leez!) but seriously, we had 30 people in our group... My Brother-in-law and Sis-in-law are like, super popular.) So we get seated and Matt and I are the only ones with a kid in tow but that is totally fine because she is so damn cute!

So we order our sushi and I'm shootin' the breeze with the ladies and all of the sudden, Emma leans back (she's on my lap) and literally, a stream of vomit shoots out of her mouth like a goddamn firehose. I manage to catch a handful of it in my left hand (and that took some skills because I still don't know how I ended up with it) and then it was over. I looked at Matt and said, "She's throwing up." (Hi, Obviousness, I know we've met before, but dayumm...) He looked at her and said, "Are you okay?" Those were the magic words because she looked up and did it AGAIN... And it's not just a little mouthful, it's like this vomit is coming from the depths of Hell and being expelled out of my daughter's teeny-tiny body.. I went into a trance like state at that point.. One hand still cupping the first bout of throw up, I stare straight ahead while Emma continues to wretch all over my front and Matt continues to yell with increasing volume, "ARE YOU OKAY?!" over and over again until she finally stops.

This is the best part of the story... We were seated in one of those huge round booths and we were not on the end.. Almost on the end, but in just enough that there was no escape. I feel like the vomit fairies were like, "Haha, suck on that, New Years Eve!"

So, Matt finally whisked Emma away to the restroom to clean up. I looked at my sissy and said, "What should I do with this?" and proceeded to give her the handful of throw-up. Then I took the walk of shame to the restroom which could not have been further away.. Then Matt, Emma and I went home to do laundry and shower. Matt and Emma were asleep by 11 and I stayed up til 2 watching Discovery ID.

HAPPY FREAKIN' NEW YEARS!!!

Next on the list of 2010: How many cartwheels does it take to make your whole body hurt for a week? Give me a few shots of grape vodka and I'll let you know.. (Hint: Schfourteenteen)

 Still don't understand?? You will.