I know that I can be a little neurotic at times so I'm just going to assume that my crazy brain sets me up for failure when it feels change coming on. For instance, last night I decided that I was going to get up super early today and get my shit together... Lately, I've been falling apart emotionally; I finally decided to try and pick up the pieces.
Anyhoo, the thought of getting up early lit a fire in my mind. The only problem is that the flames got a little out of control once I was in bed. While I was supposed to be falling asleep so that I could rise and shine at an indecent hour the next morning, my brain turned on a whole new world of thoughts for me to process. I started thinking about laundry, painting, spiders, vacuuming the mattress, taxes, selling my condo, buying a new home, taking emma to the park, planting flowers, Easter, Easter candy, cupcakes, a glass of wine, and why the hell am i so thirsty? It's the middle of the goddamn night!! That was pretty much the stream of randomness that went through my head for about two hours straight. I tried to turn my brain off but then it seemed like my heart was beating really loud and then I started thinking about that and that thought lead to other thoughts and then it was an hour later and I was about to freak out...
I finally fell asleep and went straight into a dream. I was in my room and everything was normal but when I opened the bedroom door, I was suddenly in the middle of the woods. I was walking in the dark woods to a place where I was going to meet my boyfriend (it was actually Matt). The place where we were meeting turned out to be my after school job. I didn't want my boss to see me because I hadn't been there in a long time and I didn't want to get fired. We hurried out of the place into a cobblestoned street and I saw a huge Trojan Horse looking thing and instinctively, I knew that terrorists were inside of that horse. We ran into a cabin that was just off the road and when we had closed the door behind us, there was the scariest/hairiest man EVER and he was swinging an axe around the cabin like a fucking lunatic! I almost ran for my life but I came upon the realization that the man was really a robot and if I could get him to open his mouth, I could push one of his teeth and he would power down.
While I was doing that, Matt disappeared. Then a whole bunch of strangers showed up. I was talking to them about God knows what when I noticed they were all missing chunks of their faces. I suddenly knew that there was a bug that would land on your face and take a big chunk off if you didn't kill before it bit you. I was looking around for fluttering winged things when it hit me: the bugs were invisible. And possibly microscopic. I got so scared, I ran out of the cabin (apparently the bugs were confined to that place).
When I got outside, it was a bright sunny afternoon. I walked to the top of a hill and looked up at the beautiful blue sky... Out of nowhere, a huge flock of flies flew over head. They were tightly bunched together.
How did I not know something was wrong?? Even the landscape is frowning..
What happened next was truly frightening....
OMFG!!
In the distance I heard what was surely the death cry of someone who was being eaten by the zombies. I picture them being consumed from the feet up because they were able to scream with their last dying breath, "RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEES!!!!"
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly what I did. While I was running down the hill in my desperate attempt to escape my fate of violent death by zombie , I tripped over my own feet and.... Woke up.
And that is why I was late for work.
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