Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
I like my life.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
I don't have an actual photograph of my night and you'd be happy I didn't because it would be the most boring picture you ever laid eyes on.
I'll post a picture of my night when I'm actually doing something other than reading "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish," or singing any number of children's songs.
Emma is so funny though, I just have to tell! Whenever Matt is not wearing a shirt, she goes around yelling, "Daddy naked! Daddy naked! Why? Cause!" She says it over and over until he puts a shirt on.
If I absolutely had to post a picture of my night, this would be what it's all about...
Cute little muffin.
I'll post a picture of my night when I'm actually doing something other than reading "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish," or singing any number of children's songs.
Emma is so funny though, I just have to tell! Whenever Matt is not wearing a shirt, she goes around yelling, "Daddy naked! Daddy naked! Why? Cause!" She says it over and over until he puts a shirt on.
If I absolutely had to post a picture of my night, this would be what it's all about...
Cute little muffin.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Haunted Wednesday
I've had a number of scary experiences, Paranormal Encounters, if you will... Whether or not they are actually spirits or just my mind creating these things really makes no difference to me at all. They have all been terribly frightening, none the less.
There was the time I thought my husband was a ghost, and no matter how many times I think of it and even though I laugh now, it was absolutely horrifying at the time.
Imagine waking up to a shadowy figure floating directly over your head, mere inches from your face. It's very dark in the room and it takes your eyes a few seconds to focus in before you see the outline of death hovering over you. You scream and wrench the covers up to your chin while squeezing your eyes shut... You dare yourself to peek out again only to see the same demon looking back at you, only now, in your mind, he has sharp pointy fangs.. And he's drooling scary ghost saliva. And he has crazy eyes! CRAZY FUCKING EYES!!! And now you realize those crazy eyes are glowing. And they're red! You slam your eyes shut, scream again and yank the blankets up to your nose... You tell yourself, just one more look, to be sure that the terror you've just witnessed is real. You open only one eye this time and you see the monster moving. That is all you can stand.
Your shriek reverberates throughout the house and your first instinct is to throw the blanket over your head. Why?? You may be asking. Obviously, you can't outrun a ghost. They are lightning fast; and if it's a demon, it will possess you and probably kill your whole family. But blankets have magical properties. Every blanket/sheet/bed covering is woven together with fibers from angel wings. They form an incorruptible shield between you and anything even remotely scary. After what seems like hours of hyperventilating under your magic blankie, you come to your senses. "I'm an idiot, there's nothing there... I'm 26 years old! What the hell am I doing under here?"
That's when it happens, the demon speaks... "What the hell are you doing?!" It's then that you realize ghost/demon/shadowy death man is in fact your loving but super irritated husband.
You shamefully poke your head out of the blanket and say in a tiny voice, "Oh... It's you... I thought you were a ghost. .. ... . .." And you make this face: :o|
Then the anger smacks you square in that face. Who in the hell comes and stands over your bed and stares at you in the middle of the goddamn night?! On Christmas Eve, no less? You know he has seen "A Christmas Carol" and that should be enough to prevent unwelcome floating over the bed in the middle of the night. So then you say, "What in the hell are you doing?!" Only when you say it, it really does sound like you've been possessed by a demon because you're so mad your voice takes on a mind of its own.
You don't even wait for an answer. You just roll over and pretend to have gone back to sleep. You never want to speak of this awful experience ever again, only you can never live it down. Not because you threw the blankets over your head instead of running. Not because you saw someone in your house and didn’t immediately dial 911. Not because not once, not twice, but thrice you screamed out in fear. And not because at the end of the hypothetical day, it turned out to be your husband and not the scary monster with crazy eyes and ghost drool you thought you saw…
No, no, you can never live down this particular forty-five seconds of your life because your newborn, not even two month old child was lying on the bed in her Boppy, not but sixteen inches away from you. Maybe half an arm’s length. And you didn’t even try to protect her. No magical shield blankie went flying over her head. You didn’t dive in front of her desperately yelling, “Leave the baby!! You can have my soul instead!” You didn’t even glance in her direction while Satan was traipsing around your bedroom.
To you people who think I am a bad mother, I say this: Did it ever occur to you that baby souls are so pure nothing evil can come within six inches of them? Because I’ve come to the conclusion that instinctively, I knew my baby’s soul was safe. I knew that I was more in danger of being possessed or just stared at by this scary ghost than Emma was. Plus, babies can’t see well at that stage of their lives! She wouldn’t have seen the same thing I’d seen. She didn’t even know what scary was yet!! So, in conclusion, I am not a bad mom. Just an enormously frightened individual whom encountered what I thought was an other worldly phenomenon on the creepiest night of the year.
There was the time I thought my husband was a ghost, and no matter how many times I think of it and even though I laugh now, it was absolutely horrifying at the time.
Imagine waking up to a shadowy figure floating directly over your head, mere inches from your face. It's very dark in the room and it takes your eyes a few seconds to focus in before you see the outline of death hovering over you. You scream and wrench the covers up to your chin while squeezing your eyes shut... You dare yourself to peek out again only to see the same demon looking back at you, only now, in your mind, he has sharp pointy fangs.. And he's drooling scary ghost saliva. And he has crazy eyes! CRAZY FUCKING EYES!!! And now you realize those crazy eyes are glowing. And they're red! You slam your eyes shut, scream again and yank the blankets up to your nose... You tell yourself, just one more look, to be sure that the terror you've just witnessed is real. You open only one eye this time and you see the monster moving. That is all you can stand.
Your shriek reverberates throughout the house and your first instinct is to throw the blanket over your head. Why?? You may be asking. Obviously, you can't outrun a ghost. They are lightning fast; and if it's a demon, it will possess you and probably kill your whole family. But blankets have magical properties. Every blanket/sheet/bed covering is woven together with fibers from angel wings. They form an incorruptible shield between you and anything even remotely scary. After what seems like hours of hyperventilating under your magic blankie, you come to your senses. "I'm an idiot, there's nothing there... I'm 26 years old! What the hell am I doing under here?"
That's when it happens, the demon speaks... "What the hell are you doing?!" It's then that you realize ghost/demon/shadowy death man is in fact your loving but super irritated husband.
You shamefully poke your head out of the blanket and say in a tiny voice, "Oh... It's you... I thought you were a ghost. .. ... . .." And you make this face: :o|
Then the anger smacks you square in that face. Who in the hell comes and stands over your bed and stares at you in the middle of the goddamn night?! On Christmas Eve, no less? You know he has seen "A Christmas Carol" and that should be enough to prevent unwelcome floating over the bed in the middle of the night. So then you say, "What in the hell are you doing?!" Only when you say it, it really does sound like you've been possessed by a demon because you're so mad your voice takes on a mind of its own.
You don't even wait for an answer. You just roll over and pretend to have gone back to sleep. You never want to speak of this awful experience ever again, only you can never live it down. Not because you threw the blankets over your head instead of running. Not because you saw someone in your house and didn’t immediately dial 911. Not because not once, not twice, but thrice you screamed out in fear. And not because at the end of the hypothetical day, it turned out to be your husband and not the scary monster with crazy eyes and ghost drool you thought you saw…
No, no, you can never live down this particular forty-five seconds of your life because your newborn, not even two month old child was lying on the bed in her Boppy, not but sixteen inches away from you. Maybe half an arm’s length. And you didn’t even try to protect her. No magical shield blankie went flying over her head. You didn’t dive in front of her desperately yelling, “Leave the baby!! You can have my soul instead!” You didn’t even glance in her direction while Satan was traipsing around your bedroom.
To you people who think I am a bad mother, I say this: Did it ever occur to you that baby souls are so pure nothing evil can come within six inches of them? Because I’ve come to the conclusion that instinctively, I knew my baby’s soul was safe. I knew that I was more in danger of being possessed or just stared at by this scary ghost than Emma was. Plus, babies can’t see well at that stage of their lives! She wouldn’t have seen the same thing I’d seen. She didn’t even know what scary was yet!! So, in conclusion, I am not a bad mom. Just an enormously frightened individual whom encountered what I thought was an other worldly phenomenon on the creepiest night of the year.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
This was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make...
First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to Grey's Anatomy. Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy, this doesn't change the way I feel about you... I'll continue to tune in every week to see you, and only you two because the two of you make my heart go pitter-pat.. Mostly McSteamy though. Sorry McDreamy, you're boring now that you got married.
Private Practice, it could have been you in that picture down below, unfortunately, you had to go and have that terrible rape scene this season and now I can't look at Charlotte without crying like a baby. Plus, what did you have to go and kill Dell off for?
Unsolved Mysteries, even though you've been cancelled for years now, I still watch you on DVD as often as life allows. You're forever in my heart. Also, you have no cast... Just that old guy with the scary voice.
Teen Mom 2.. Is it just me or is Jenelle's mom the real star of the show? "You are the worst piece of shit mom ever, Jenelle!" I concur, crazy lady.
American Idol, how I have loved you through the years, you will never know.
Last but certainly not least: Jersey Shore.... Snooki, I wish we were friends in real life! You've been my favorite since about the third or fourth show of the first season. Long live the poof!
And finally....
Here is the cast of my favorite show.
First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to Grey's Anatomy. Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy, this doesn't change the way I feel about you... I'll continue to tune in every week to see you, and only you two because the two of you make my heart go pitter-pat.. Mostly McSteamy though. Sorry McDreamy, you're boring now that you got married.
Private Practice, it could have been you in that picture down below, unfortunately, you had to go and have that terrible rape scene this season and now I can't look at Charlotte without crying like a baby. Plus, what did you have to go and kill Dell off for?
Unsolved Mysteries, even though you've been cancelled for years now, I still watch you on DVD as often as life allows. You're forever in my heart. Also, you have no cast... Just that old guy with the scary voice.
Teen Mom 2.. Is it just me or is Jenelle's mom the real star of the show? "You are the worst piece of shit mom ever, Jenelle!" I concur, crazy lady.
American Idol, how I have loved you through the years, you will never know.
Last but certainly not least: Jersey Shore.... Snooki, I wish we were friends in real life! You've been my favorite since about the third or fourth show of the first season. Long live the poof!
And finally....
Here is the cast of my favorite show.
The reason I chose Modern Family besides the fact that it is HILARIOUS is because I love every character on this show! Phil and Claire, Luke, Hailey and Alex, Mitchell and Cam and Lily, Jay and Gloria and Manny... They are all so funny and I couldn't pick a favorite if you asked me to. If it were a matter of life and death I'd choose Cam. But secretly, I'd be debating between Cam and Phil.. Love this show!! And if you're not watching it, you have not lived.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Well, the person I've been closest to for my whole life is my baby brother. We were the best of friends until he was about seven, then we started trying to beat each other within an inch of our lives. That went on for about seven years, I would say... Then we just told each other how much we despised one another for the next two years. Then we became friends again. :)
Despite the arguments, name calling, punches in the face, etc., we were always there for each other. No one could come between us. I like to think of Joey as the son I was way too young to have. The very bad son that you'd like to send away to some kind of reform school but you can't afford it and even if you could, you know you'd kinda miss him anyways so you just keep him around. Then you pray. You pray that God will intervene and save his little soul. You pray that he will emulate good role models like Dawson Leary or Boys II Men. You pray that he will stop playing music so loud that you can't concentrate on your physics flash cards and you have a test the next day so you ask God for patience and strength not to go down to his room and wring his scrawny little neck. You pray that he could just me more like you, dammit!
Then one day, you just learn to accept him for who he is and you love him with all your heart. You come to accept the fact that while he'll never be the person you imagined he'd be during his childhood, the person he has become is pretty damn amazing.
This picture was taken while we were still in the best friends era of our lives.
This was the last photograph our parents have of us together, genuinely happy to be there. All the others have fake smiles and before the temporary flash induced blindness wore off, we were actively trying to maim one another.
Moving on...
Here we are, later in years. Friends once again. See how happy we look?? That's because I had already moved out of my mom's house, so we didn't have to see each other everyday.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Also, look at how skinny I was! Man I miss those days.. I still have those pants. I'm like the people who keep the old pants they used to wear and they show people and say, "Can you believe I used to wear these? Now my whole body could fit in one leghole.." Only, you know, the opposite. I get them out when we have company over and say, "I used to wear these. Can you believe that? The waist of these pants is straining just being in my presence!" No one laughs because it's really more heartbreaking than anything else.
And here we are, semi-present day. This photo was taken at my wedding, 9/19/09. We were dancing. Or I was and Joey crashed what surely would have been a stunning photo of my graceful movements.
You can see why those pants from the previous picture get nervous when I take them out of the closet these days.
And that is that! Day two of the Thirty Business Day Challenge? Check. Done. What's for lunch?
Well, the person I've been closest to for my whole life is my baby brother. We were the best of friends until he was about seven, then we started trying to beat each other within an inch of our lives. That went on for about seven years, I would say... Then we just told each other how much we despised one another for the next two years. Then we became friends again. :)
Despite the arguments, name calling, punches in the face, etc., we were always there for each other. No one could come between us. I like to think of Joey as the son I was way too young to have. The very bad son that you'd like to send away to some kind of reform school but you can't afford it and even if you could, you know you'd kinda miss him anyways so you just keep him around. Then you pray. You pray that God will intervene and save his little soul. You pray that he will emulate good role models like Dawson Leary or Boys II Men. You pray that he will stop playing music so loud that you can't concentrate on your physics flash cards and you have a test the next day so you ask God for patience and strength not to go down to his room and wring his scrawny little neck. You pray that he could just me more like you, dammit!
Then one day, you just learn to accept him for who he is and you love him with all your heart. You come to accept the fact that while he'll never be the person you imagined he'd be during his childhood, the person he has become is pretty damn amazing.
This was the last photograph our parents have of us together, genuinely happy to be there. All the others have fake smiles and before the temporary flash induced blindness wore off, we were actively trying to maim one another.
Moving on...
Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Also, look at how skinny I was! Man I miss those days.. I still have those pants. I'm like the people who keep the old pants they used to wear and they show people and say, "Can you believe I used to wear these? Now my whole body could fit in one leghole.." Only, you know, the opposite. I get them out when we have company over and say, "I used to wear these. Can you believe that? The waist of these pants is straining just being in my presence!" No one laughs because it's really more heartbreaking than anything else.
You can see why those pants from the previous picture get nervous when I take them out of the closet these days.
And that is that! Day two of the Thirty Business Day Challenge? Check. Done. What's for lunch?
Friday, March 4, 2011
This is my attempt at blogging more often..
I saw this on my friend's blog.. If you need a good laugh or want to see some awesome restored furniture, visit her here:
http://adayinthelifeofthesacketts.blogspot.com/
Anyhoooooo, this is the thirty day challenge. Since I don't blog on weekends, because that is Emma's time, mine will be the thirty business day challenge.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts:
1. I don't like pictures of myself. This is the most recent photo I have in my computer.
2. My hair is no longer blonde.
3. I have a super handsome husband who is amazing in every way.
4. I have a beautiful daughter! She is so so so funny!
5. I paint. I just decided to one day and now it has become my sanity.
6. History intrigues me. I'm pretty much obsessed.
7. I am terrified of ghosts... I'm sure that they can sense fear and they seek me out because of my weakness.
8. I once mistook my husband for a ghost, not just for a moment but for three full staring him directly the face gazes.
9. The most shameful thing I have ever done was not protecting my two month old baby from the ghost that turned out to be my husband. I was cowering under the blanket...
10. I will watch movies up to the point when something bad/sad is about to happen, I turn them off while everything is still happy. Some might call it denial, I call it, I don't really care what people think.
11. I'm too outspoken for my own good.
12. I judge you based on the first time we meet.. If you're not overly friendly, I assume you're an asshole.
13. I secretly give Emma sips of my coffee in the morning. She loves it.
14. My guilty pleasure is watching Step Brothers. Over and over and over.
15. I should be working right now.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
http://adayinthelifeofthesacketts.blogspot.com/
Anyhoooooo, this is the thirty day challenge. Since I don't blog on weekends, because that is Emma's time, mine will be the thirty business day challenge.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts:
2. My hair is no longer blonde.
3. I have a super handsome husband who is amazing in every way.
4. I have a beautiful daughter! She is so so so funny!
5. I paint. I just decided to one day and now it has become my sanity.
6. History intrigues me. I'm pretty much obsessed.
7. I am terrified of ghosts... I'm sure that they can sense fear and they seek me out because of my weakness.
8. I once mistook my husband for a ghost, not just for a moment but for three full staring him directly the face gazes.
9. The most shameful thing I have ever done was not protecting my two month old baby from the ghost that turned out to be my husband. I was cowering under the blanket...
10. I will watch movies up to the point when something bad/sad is about to happen, I turn them off while everything is still happy. Some might call it denial, I call it, I don't really care what people think.
11. I'm too outspoken for my own good.
12. I judge you based on the first time we meet.. If you're not overly friendly, I assume you're an asshole.
13. I secretly give Emma sips of my coffee in the morning. She loves it.
14. My guilty pleasure is watching Step Brothers. Over and over and over.
15. I should be working right now.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
This is what happens when you lose your effing mind on a daily basis.
Don't. Judge. Me.
I don't know what must have happened to me in my lifetime, but at some point, I completely lost my grip on anything that even remotely resembles sanity. I used to be okay; I was at least able to slap myself in the face (mentally, of course) and tell myself to "Get real." I would find myself coping with my crazy thoughts and feelings but I was still able to come back to reality in the end.
Fast forward some number of years, stick me back into my mother's house and slap a sick child into the mix and do you know what that equals? Me: 2011. It's similar to Me: 2010, only now, I'm figuratively standing on the ledge of delirium with my arms out at my sides, my long hair blowing in the breeze and barely hanging on with the tips of my little toes. It's probably not as romantic as that sounds... It's more like, the scraggly wisps of what's left of the hair I haven't pulled out yet are whipping me in the face while I flail my arms savagely through the air in a vain attempt to clench onto anything that will keep me from falling into the abyss. Meanwhile, my poor battered feet are wondering what in the hell they did to deserve this.
I've been so stressed out, my body has been manifesting physical symptoms. Mainly these manifestations have been in the form of hives. Hives.... HIVES! Everywhere! All over my entire body. I didn't sleep for three days because I didn't stop itching long enough for my brain to shut down. What would a normal person do in this situation?? I don't know. I'm more the neurotic type so what did I do? At about 3:00am, I came to the conclusion that we have a horrifying case of the dreaded Bed Bug; never mind the fact that I am the only one they seem to be attacking. The minute the sun comes up the following morning, I tear the sheets off of the bed, throw them into a boiling hot wash, and do a very thorough inspection of the mattress. There are no signs of the little critters so I decide that while I can't see them, they must be there so I proceed to vacuum the mattress. And the box spring. And the pillow top. Then for good measure, I spray it all with Lysol and then again with lavender because Trista said that bed bugs hate lavender. Throw on a pair of clean sheets and life should be back to normal... Only it's not. Two days later, I'm still itching.. What the hell??
The only other alternative in my mind is that I must have lice. Body lice. My body is being invaded by microscopic (in my mind) bugs. They are everywhere! And I don't know what to do!! I called my husband in tears to let him know that I have not only exposed him to this vile vermin, but also our two year old daughter. Just what she needs on top of everything else...
I had already gone through all the possible places of contamination in my head so now I'm tearfully telling Matt where the lice have come from. "It could be from anywhere! Remember I went to that eyelash extension lady? I laid on a table that probably a million other people have laid on before me and that could have been it. Plus, we went to that movie with your dad and you know lice run rampant in movie theaters! That makes sense, it's been about two weeks, just enough time for the eggs to hatch!"
It took a while for Matt to convince me that it was all in my mind and that I just had hives from stress. Stress that a normal person would probably handle just fine. A neurotic person, a la me, has to have a physical and emotional breakdown before returning to some sense of normalcy.
I'm feeling better now... As well as can be expected, you could say. It's just funny how little things can build up inside yourself until one day, the cup runs over and you have a mess to clean up. I should probably go to counseling but even with insurance, the last thing we need is more medical bills. Until then, Benadryl, a glass of wine and a nice hot bath will have to suffice.. Unless I take a cue from Grace of "Will and Grace" and start going to AA meetings for the group therapy...
I don't know what must have happened to me in my lifetime, but at some point, I completely lost my grip on anything that even remotely resembles sanity. I used to be okay; I was at least able to slap myself in the face (mentally, of course) and tell myself to "Get real." I would find myself coping with my crazy thoughts and feelings but I was still able to come back to reality in the end.
Fast forward some number of years, stick me back into my mother's house and slap a sick child into the mix and do you know what that equals? Me: 2011. It's similar to Me: 2010, only now, I'm figuratively standing on the ledge of delirium with my arms out at my sides, my long hair blowing in the breeze and barely hanging on with the tips of my little toes. It's probably not as romantic as that sounds... It's more like, the scraggly wisps of what's left of the hair I haven't pulled out yet are whipping me in the face while I flail my arms savagely through the air in a vain attempt to clench onto anything that will keep me from falling into the abyss. Meanwhile, my poor battered feet are wondering what in the hell they did to deserve this.
I've been so stressed out, my body has been manifesting physical symptoms. Mainly these manifestations have been in the form of hives. Hives.... HIVES! Everywhere! All over my entire body. I didn't sleep for three days because I didn't stop itching long enough for my brain to shut down. What would a normal person do in this situation?? I don't know. I'm more the neurotic type so what did I do? At about 3:00am, I came to the conclusion that we have a horrifying case of the dreaded Bed Bug; never mind the fact that I am the only one they seem to be attacking. The minute the sun comes up the following morning, I tear the sheets off of the bed, throw them into a boiling hot wash, and do a very thorough inspection of the mattress. There are no signs of the little critters so I decide that while I can't see them, they must be there so I proceed to vacuum the mattress. And the box spring. And the pillow top. Then for good measure, I spray it all with Lysol and then again with lavender because Trista said that bed bugs hate lavender. Throw on a pair of clean sheets and life should be back to normal... Only it's not. Two days later, I'm still itching.. What the hell??
The only other alternative in my mind is that I must have lice. Body lice. My body is being invaded by microscopic (in my mind) bugs. They are everywhere! And I don't know what to do!! I called my husband in tears to let him know that I have not only exposed him to this vile vermin, but also our two year old daughter. Just what she needs on top of everything else...
I had already gone through all the possible places of contamination in my head so now I'm tearfully telling Matt where the lice have come from. "It could be from anywhere! Remember I went to that eyelash extension lady? I laid on a table that probably a million other people have laid on before me and that could have been it. Plus, we went to that movie with your dad and you know lice run rampant in movie theaters! That makes sense, it's been about two weeks, just enough time for the eggs to hatch!"
It took a while for Matt to convince me that it was all in my mind and that I just had hives from stress. Stress that a normal person would probably handle just fine. A neurotic person, a la me, has to have a physical and emotional breakdown before returning to some sense of normalcy.
I'm feeling better now... As well as can be expected, you could say. It's just funny how little things can build up inside yourself until one day, the cup runs over and you have a mess to clean up. I should probably go to counseling but even with insurance, the last thing we need is more medical bills. Until then, Benadryl, a glass of wine and a nice hot bath will have to suffice.. Unless I take a cue from Grace of "Will and Grace" and start going to AA meetings for the group therapy...
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